It is so weak and selfish that I am unable to get over my fears on my own, and I can't always deal with things by myself, and I can't bear to be alone.
What the fuck happened to the me that was a strong person and was able to help people when they needed it... without hurting them more? Or did I just think I was strong? Did I not help at all? Did I make things worse, just like I'm doing now - every time I try to make them better?
I'm sorry...
"Your touch is hurting him, you know."
"I know. I'm not touching him..."
... and I would give up Heaven and Hell to be able to touch him without hurting him.
It still wouldn't matter.
I am not an angel. I'm very human - in the worst sense of the word.
And even if I was an angel, it still wouldn't matter.
I can't save anyone.
When angels deserve to die.
I wish I could die like that too.
This whole thing is so selfish.
I guess I'm just too weak.
I don't matter. Writing all of this was wrong, not what I wanted to say, not what I had to say.
I'm sorry. But I don't feel I could ask forgiveness.
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Unconditional love is not about weakness. I dreamed about being his guardian angel. I dreamed about changing destiny and divine plans and insanity and being his wild honey. Somewhat the ghostly pale, unliving figure was worse than the dying one.
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