More Shit

I intended to write something like "I don't give a shit anymore, fuck you all, I couldn't care less," but I won't because I don't mean it. I don't know what to write. All that comes to my mind are things I don't want to write and things I don't mean. I'll just say some of them, I guess. The ones I don't mind writing that much.

Summer ended yesterday about 5.30 p.m. The same place where last year's autumn came. The difference is, autumn hasn't come yet this year, I think she's in the process of coming. Still, summer ended.

I don't want this vacation to end. It's like the worst fucking vacation ever, but I fear its end because I'll have to go back to school and then it'll probably become worse. Still a part of me wants to go home. Well, at least I'll have things to do. So to say, I'm gonna live in interesting times (these days there are times when I hate Terry Pratchett, I guess I'm just losing my sense of humor... gotta get it back).

I feel lost.

And I think I'm a coward, a jerk, a schizophrenic, an idiot, and a potential drug-addict. Okay, I didn't mean that last one.

That's enough, I start thinking it's meaningless, so I'll stop now.

My Night Requiem

stare at the spider
on the wall
when the lights go out
lie naked in a dark room
suffocating
under the weight of air
on your chest
choke with air
my hair
all over my shoulders
around my neck
will strangle me
the clock is ticking
my heart will stop
with it
not moving
for so long
only minutes have passed
millions of minutes
only a second more
on the edge of sleep
and then
fall
inside
the nightmares
will fill the gap
where pain has to be


P.S. Written a few days ago about 4 a.m. after watching Requiem for a Dream again => should not be taken seriously. I know it's fucked.