I cannot be alone. There was a time when I thought I could, but I can't.
Fuck that. Of course I can be alone. It's not like I haven't ever been alone. I was just thinking that I might manage to escape from it. I can be alone.
But I don't want to.
Maybe this is my greatest weakness... and my greatest fear.
Still, it is not what tortures me. What keeps me from sleep every night is that I cannot even make the people closest to me believe that they are not alone.
Because you are not alone, Sister - I'll always be there, and you know it. But I cannot make you stop feeling lonely. I wish I could, I wish that so much, but you wouldn't let me anyway.
That's why I feel so lonely too.
"There is no worse thing for one's soul than the feeling of meaninglessness."
I miss you. I really do, even though you don't believe me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said I had nothing to tell you. It sounded like I had nothing to tell you anymore, ever. That's not true. I'm sorry I made you mad and then just let you hang up. I'm sorry I was so frightened by my own feeling of loneliness and acted as if I didn't realize how lonely you are.
I'm the worst sister possible, ain't I?
Please don't hate me. I know you say you don't hate anyone - but still, please don't hate me.
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